first clinical

Today a nurse said to me, “You’re so sweet now, but I’ll give you 10 years and then we’ll see.”

Will the hospital will change me? With care limited by time/$ resources/endurance, how realistic is it to expect to provide care that feels thoughtful, unhurried and reassuring to each patient?

What does that perfect melding of efficiency and empathy look like?

Situations in which I feel helpless:

Packing a deep wound while the patient writhes in pain
Wrapping a body- forcing the jaw to close
Jabbing a needle into a living arm- deliberately inflicting pain

I keep thinking about the distance between life and death. It does not seem as concrete as it once did.