a day, a month

such a kind smile you offered everyone
even though your feet tingled painfully
and radiation was to you both cure and carcinogen
you took laps around the hospital corridors
en route to that much needed transplant

a few weeks later I can't recognize you,
your limp form in the bed
trembling in fever, only a few platelets left
marrow filled with young useless blasts, crowding out the rest
hardly breathing now

How will you get to that shining city of hope?

God will take you there
see even now angels are alongside you

3 wishes

luggage lined up along the wall
they will stay another week
in this private room with 1 window

she cheers the nurse:
that "stupid thing" came back again
but they got all of it out this time
you go ahead to lunch, don't worry about a thing- I'll be here with him
he pretends he is not in pain or nauseated
though the tension in his body betrays him


please dear God let them
walk out of here and fly home

__________________________________


the bloody vessels that lace the arm,
a river delta nourishing rich soil

in a drought
not a rivulet of blood flows

in famine
this wasteland
blackened and parched earth,
withered and crumbling flesh
weighted down, cold, numb

it is better this way
she will not feel the blade

_______________________________

there are some languages universal
i.e. pain

there are some entities universally frustrating
such as insurance companies who will not cover the supplies for wound care

Strips of guaze like the long glistening bodies of tapeworms are drawn from the wound, cut so deeply it is a cavern of flesh

If the excised chunk of bleeding flesh riddled with tumors could be sent in as an appeal
perhaps then the claim would not be so readily denied



"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you." --Isaiah 43:2

I know this isn't the Crimea
one can't survive on a volunteer's wage
but in this place and time
how can monetary compensation
motivate people to "care" more about a patient?



everything is quantified
price of life/death
price of vori/fluc

vent

A dragon alights beside her
churning the air
Its translucent neck contorts
plunging between twin cords
Its breath filling the narrow passageways

She lives

Studying for the board exam

- First a litany of symptoms:
describing the countless ways in which people may come to experience pain and suffering

- Then a listing of treatments/procedures:
complications of which may lead to additional hardship

- And finally a collection of medications:
although with unpleasant side effects, these may be able to alleviate symptoms, and provide long term benefits- if only these were affordable

(repeat until thoroughly disillusioned)

quakes and wars

suffering
needless
and so many times preventable

How many more sick beds and refugee camps and trenches?

the rain pounding down
I close my eyes
I can see row upon row of bodies crushed and burnt, bloodied and feverish

one day
no more limbs lost
no more wounds to dress
no more diseased organs and debilitating illnesses
one day
heaven

light

I came to meet you after work
your long gypsy skirt nearly brushing the concrete,
as if telling it to stop looking so gray

I can still see you sitting right there across from me
we had some tacos
but mostly we had conversation

I naturally dislike talking
but you got me to talk
something about that combination of wit and heart,
draws the grit out of a person, fills one with light

a list of things my faulty memory leaves me with:
waiting in the parking lot, after fireworks
you showing me the chicken wing move, aka how to hurt someone who is trying to hurt you
sitting next to you in silence, listening to Brugnaro's poetry
things from your travels- sticky notes from Germany, a frosted ornament
how you, in stilettos, could walk faster than me, even though I was wearing sneakers
a hug in the 2nd floor hallway on an especially dark day

I know it is selfish to say to God- please let her stay on this earth a while longer, we have such need of her here.
and there was that Lindy Hop class you wanted to take.
these 23~ years you lived and loved so generously
that love is not gone, but here with us

So I will pray instead that we will take that faith, that love, that fight for justice, and heart for others and share it, as you surely would have.