without

for a terrifying minute
there is silence
everything is in darkness
inner workings of the hospital halt
lines are down

is it seconds, minutes?
before the hum of the generator picks up, electricity coursing back through wires, inflating lungs, reading hearts, steadying pressures, labs

not only the patients on this floor
every room, every floor
machines malfunctioning
the patient lying on the operating table
family trying to reach their loved one on the 15th floor when the elevators are down

then the threat of fire- how to transport patients, it is an impossible choice
then a code- soul forced back into the chest, maintaining breath and beat

relentless pace
code cart flying down the hallway
sprinting to get to the room
every effort is given
because there is nothing more important than this



Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

a day, a month

such a kind smile you offered everyone
even though your feet tingled painfully
and radiation was to you both cure and carcinogen
you took laps around the hospital corridors
en route to that much needed transplant

a few weeks later I can't recognize you,
your limp form in the bed
trembling in fever, only a few platelets left
marrow filled with young useless blasts, crowding out the rest
hardly breathing now

How will you get to that shining city of hope?

God will take you there
see even now angels are alongside you

3 wishes

luggage lined up along the wall
they will stay another week
in this private room with 1 window

she cheers the nurse:
that "stupid thing" came back again
but they got all of it out this time
you go ahead to lunch, don't worry about a thing- I'll be here with him
he pretends he is not in pain or nauseated
though the tension in his body betrays him


please dear God let them
walk out of here and fly home

__________________________________


the bloody vessels that lace the arm,
a river delta nourishing rich soil

in a drought
not a rivulet of blood flows

in famine
this wasteland
blackened and parched earth,
withered and crumbling flesh
weighted down, cold, numb

it is better this way
she will not feel the blade

_______________________________

there are some languages universal
i.e. pain

there are some entities universally frustrating
such as insurance companies who will not cover the supplies for wound care

Strips of guaze like the long glistening bodies of tapeworms are drawn from the wound, cut so deeply it is a cavern of flesh

If the excised chunk of bleeding flesh riddled with tumors could be sent in as an appeal
perhaps then the claim would not be so readily denied



"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you." --Isaiah 43:2

I know this isn't the Crimea
one can't survive on a volunteer's wage
but in this place and time
how can monetary compensation
motivate people to "care" more about a patient?



everything is quantified
price of life/death
price of vori/fluc

vent

A dragon alights beside her
churning the air
Its translucent neck contorts
plunging between twin cords
Its breath filling the narrow passageways

She lives

Studying for the board exam

- First a litany of symptoms:
describing the countless ways in which people may come to experience pain and suffering

- Then a listing of treatments/procedures:
complications of which may lead to additional hardship

- And finally a collection of medications:
although with unpleasant side effects, these may be able to alleviate symptoms, and provide long term benefits- if only these were affordable

(repeat until thoroughly disillusioned)

quakes and wars

suffering
needless
and so many times preventable

How many more sick beds and refugee camps and trenches?

the rain pounding down
I close my eyes
I can see row upon row of bodies crushed and burnt, bloodied and feverish

one day
no more limbs lost
no more wounds to dress
no more diseased organs and debilitating illnesses
one day
heaven