I'm used to being invisible
I like my drab coloring and plain face
no pretense
bit short on cash for tuition- interviewed for a waitress job
a surprisingly short interview:
"I need you to be warm, attractive"
"Let me see you walk over there and back"
First night:
- purchased some eyeliner
- showed up in black slacks, was told to change
- one of the other girls took me aside, "make sure you tie it securely"
I pause in the doorway for a moment- sheathed in blue silk, hem embroidered with golden thread- no longer invisible, but afraid
"If you don't get out there, I'm going to FIRE you RIGHT NOW!!"
stepping into a crowded, dimly lit room, struggling to balance a tray of wine glasses
"How is it that you serve red wine in a chilled glass?"
(trembling slightly) "I'm so sorry sir, it's my first day- please, let me get you another"
(It seems I've led a very sheltered life, never before having received such a look of disgust)
the downcast eyes, the painted smile - as a child I had learned these as signs of respect
but I am no longer a child
I say, "More tea?"
He hears: See how soft my flesh is, I don't speak enough English to make any trouble
(I want to let the teapot slip, let the boiling water scald him. I cannot. And he could probably break my wrist with one hand)
I quit. I think the others were glad to see me go- I did not bring in as generous tips.
"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Matthew 16:26
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." - Matthew 26:41
