8.23.2010

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

His chest heaves with the effort of sitting up
"I'm so weak- this is my last day here, I don't want to fall"
"I won't let you fall."

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

his sister brought a picnic basket of his favorite foods,
I carefully label and store each item in the fridge- pretending not to notice that they are unopened and untouched,

3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

His voice, gasping and ragged in the intercom- "I can't breathe"
reflexively
pulling the nurse with me- get oxygen, find RT?
jogging to the room at the end of the corridor

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

The nurse stops me, "What are you doing? You can't do anything for him."
in the pause I remember that I am employed as a secretary. And that he is DNR.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I reschedule a final treatment twice as the family conference runs long,
beg the kitchen to send up ice cream at their inconvenience, because he wants to have the cool, sweet taste of it,
pray for his boys

8.17.2010

asleep

if I lay down
my back will curve into the floor
limbs will move freely
wings and fins