“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Cor 15:55-58
nights:
meth addict threw a table at a fellow nurse- I get to bring in the ativan
it's okay that you pulled that tube out (2 nights in a row), I know it must have been disorienting waking up in the night, thinking you were at home
seeing as you just had abd surgery, it is not advisable to return to construction work so soon walking on rebar, even though wearing kevlar
sir I know you're an electrician, but since your doctors want you on bedrest, it might not be an opportune time to revamp the motor on the hospital bed
2.09.2012
3.16.2011
You were so violently ill, I spent most of the day expunging bodily fluids, the clean sheets a tent over your thin frame
today you are finally cleared to leave the hospital
we exchange a polite handshake
and you thank me for being with you during your worst days
but as I watch you striding away down the hall,
I feel so much relief and happiness
it is I who should thank you.
today you are finally cleared to leave the hospital
we exchange a polite handshake
and you thank me for being with you during your worst days
but as I watch you striding away down the hall,
I feel so much relief and happiness
it is I who should thank you.
11.15.2010
warm blanket
risks
everything is blue
don't remember anything
marking pen - x on limb, forehead, shoulder, leg
blood transfusion consent
belongings in a bag
blue hair nets
what are the last words I can say to you
when you disappear behind the OR doors,
will I see you again
I'll see you when you wake up
we'll take good care of you
the surgeon is excellent
you're in the best place to be for this procedure
you'll be fine
everything is going to be okay
11.10.2010
longest night
waiting for his wife to come out of surgery
he collapses
he is found on the bathroom floor in asystole
there is an immediate attempt to resuscitate him
but it is too late
the "code blue" sounds flat, as if the announcer knows that there is no hope
the doctor asks for a "death pack"
only a folded shroud and a few papers
but it feels so heavy in my hand
he collapses
he is found on the bathroom floor in asystole
there is an immediate attempt to resuscitate him
but it is too late
the "code blue" sounds flat, as if the announcer knows that there is no hope
the doctor asks for a "death pack"
only a folded shroud and a few papers
but it feels so heavy in my hand
10.05.2010
how to be a secretary on an oncology unit
when a family member asks for a toothbrush,
he/she really needs two
offer water/juice to visitors sitting, unmoving
waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery
they have forgotten thirst
the hands of the clock are fixed
show kindness to those who are demanding
they have been too anxious to eat or sleep much
trying to hold everything together on the surface, when inside breaking
tucking anxiety away behind tired eyes, clipped voice
"sleep chair" is a misnomer
be efficient, follow through-
it seems like everything is taking too long because you have been waiting for labs, for authorization, for doctors, for medications, for test results, waiting for the pain and nausea to subside, waiting for this to all be over
I know that you need me to repeat things, because the diagnosis is still so new, numbing
you retreat, a protective measure, and I call you back
goal of all this- to get you home, the haven that a hospital could never be
he/she really needs two
offer water/juice to visitors sitting, unmoving
waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery
they have forgotten thirst
the hands of the clock are fixed
show kindness to those who are demanding
they have been too anxious to eat or sleep much
trying to hold everything together on the surface, when inside breaking
tucking anxiety away behind tired eyes, clipped voice
"sleep chair" is a misnomer
be efficient, follow through-
it seems like everything is taking too long because you have been waiting for labs, for authorization, for doctors, for medications, for test results, waiting for the pain and nausea to subside, waiting for this to all be over
I know that you need me to repeat things, because the diagnosis is still so new, numbing
you retreat, a protective measure, and I call you back
goal of all this- to get you home, the haven that a hospital could never be
9.30.2010
Distance
You're so much the expert
I so much the novice
truthfully we are too far apart on the professional practice continuum
to ever meet
though we may walk the hospital corridor in a seemingly linear path,
appear at the bedside in the same physical time/space,
the circuitry within our minds function in entirely different dimensions-
intersecting briefly- and then only because you are overgenerous and double back for me
I so much the novice
truthfully we are too far apart on the professional practice continuum
to ever meet
though we may walk the hospital corridor in a seemingly linear path,
appear at the bedside in the same physical time/space,
the circuitry within our minds function in entirely different dimensions-
intersecting briefly- and then only because you are overgenerous and double back for me
9.06.2010
1 week in hospital
Waiting for him to come home
Call from ER- he's been brought in by ambulance, having fainted
CT head, ECG, x-ray
pale
6 hours of blood transfusions
no sleep in the hospital chair
5am blood test
7am endoscopy
7:20am There are ulcers but it looks like stomach cancer
recovery room
waiting
biopsy results, tumor markers
CT abdomen- enlarged nodes
nurses
transport
lab techs
Primary care doctor - "doesn't look good"
GI specialist
attending - "let's not jump to conclusions- let's just call it a mass"
intern
surgeon
pathologist
cardiologist - "slight risk of heart attack on table"
oncologist - "This may or may not require chemotherapy"
radiation oncologist - "There are several treatment options,
nutritionist
there are no more tears
eyelids are stiff
CT chest
not enough tissue- another endoscopy
"I don't want to be cut open"
"I don't want to die"
Call from ER- he's been brought in by ambulance, having fainted
CT head, ECG, x-ray
pale
6 hours of blood transfusions
no sleep in the hospital chair
5am blood test
7am endoscopy
7:20am There are ulcers but it looks like stomach cancer
recovery room
waiting
biopsy results, tumor markers
CT abdomen- enlarged nodes
nurses
transport
lab techs
Primary care doctor - "doesn't look good"
GI specialist
attending - "let's not jump to conclusions- let's just call it a mass"
intern
surgeon
pathologist
cardiologist - "slight risk of heart attack on table"
oncologist - "This may or may not require chemotherapy"
radiation oncologist - "There are several treatment options,
nutritionist
there are no more tears
eyelids are stiff
CT chest
not enough tissue- another endoscopy
"I don't want to be cut open"
"I don't want to die"
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